Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize