she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
