After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you traded sex for a burrito?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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