dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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