he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
