I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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