brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
