Having a random hookup so left but love u
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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