The maid of honor just puked.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize