i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
