If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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