K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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