in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize