just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I lost the right to judge tonight
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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