The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
