I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
