I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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