He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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