I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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