You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
