...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
