Pappa wants mamma naked
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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