those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
smell my finger.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
