Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
