Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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