And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
