so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
