i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
People in love make me want to vomit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
