We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
