Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
