he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
