were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
