do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize