Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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