my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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