Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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