I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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