can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
