Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
40s are totally the cure
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
