I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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