This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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