So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
