In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize