I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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