If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
