just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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