why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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