FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
