pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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