pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
