well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
