I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize