How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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