Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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