I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
