so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
