I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize