pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
