sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
