Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's the barista slut.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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