he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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