there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
