i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
