i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
