Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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