We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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