I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
