I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize