i love accidental penises.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize