yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
