You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You need a sexual gate keeper
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
