What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Be still, my beating vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
