New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize