I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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