let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize