we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He felt like a one man threesome
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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