not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
