You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
