Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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