handjob tips. give me some.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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