And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
