I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
