I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
