im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
