i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
