She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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