we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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