I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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