when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
