I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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