The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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