My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
