My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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