Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
