i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
