also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
