he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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