States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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