sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
