I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Welp...herpes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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