I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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