As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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