you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
