I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize