If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
